


The Disastrous Life of Logan Sanders

by Anonymous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Patton is a perfect pretty girl, Remus is creepy and Roman is delusional, Saiki K au, What else is new?, but like implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:06:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22023037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: When you have supernatural powers the impossible becomes possible.My name is Logan Sanders and I have psychic superpowers.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19
Collections: Anonymous





	The Disastrous Life of Logan Sanders

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a Saiki K au, and for anyone who's watched the show, I see the parts as follows:
> 
> Logan as Saiki  
> Patton as Teruhashi  
> Roman as Kaidou  
> Remus as Nendou
> 
> And for the sides that didn't show up in his chapter:  
> Virgil as Kuboyasu  
> Remy as Toritska (but like, not as much of a pervert)  
> Deceit as Saiko
> 
> I know that the dialogue can be a bit confusing, but if it's in italics it's a person's thoughts, and inside quotation marks is spoken word. Logan in the story is just like Saiki, so assume that unless someone responds directly that's he's not speaking aloud.

“No Pochimi! Come back!” A woman screamed as her pet dog ran into the road, right in front of a speeding truck. She could only scream in horror as she saw the truck quickly approach the poor pooch. However at the last second, and defying all known scientific principals, the truck flew right over the dog and landed again, never slowing down or stopping.

This may seem odd.

This may seem to defy everything that we currently know about how the world works.

This may seem impossible.

But when you have supernatural powers the impossible becomes possible.

My name is Logan Sanders and I have psychic superpowers.

Sixteen years ago an ordinary couple gave birth to a not so ordinary baby boy. I started talking when I was fourteen days old, without ever opening my mouth. I started walking after one month, in the air. At one year old, I ran my first errand. Eventually, my parents started to worry about me. Now you may think that after a year of having a son that could do all these unnatural things they would go and have me tested right? But, my folks are kind of odd themselves, throw-in a healthy amount of laziness and you get the situation we’re in now. They took everything in stride, including me and my weird powers.

So time continued.

I became the person you’re reading about now. A high school student. I obviously still have my superpowers as shown by the display earlier. I can bend spoons like any good psychic, and I can win any corporate giveaway I want. My life is a dream come true! That’s what you’re thinking right? That boy is the luckiest kid alive, right?

Well, let me drop some truth bombs on you.

Bending spoons makes it hard to eat, and all that free stuff would just end up in the trash or left forgotten in a closet somewhere . I’m the unluckiest boy alive a boy who has nothing!

Telepathy, psychokinesis, x-ray vision, precognition, teleportation, clairvoyance, etcetera, etcetera, sure I can do all those things! But it means nothing! Having powers like that also means that something gets taken away. In the same way that feeding our pets leads to them never developing the ability to hunt, or a mother spoiling a child until they lose their ability to live like a functional human being.

In this way, there are key experiences that I’ve never had. Hard work culminating in a sense of satisfaction. The thrill of being thrown a surprise party. I have never experienced these things, and likely never will.

Sure, I never feel angry or sad about anything, but that means that there isn’t any joy or excitement in my life either.

Maybe I should look on the bright side, no drama means that my life is always peaceful, and that’s something tha-

_‘Where the hell is he?’_

I stop short of my front gate only to see my dad sitting on the sidewalk, obviously locked out of the house again. That idiot.

“So you’re running kind of late today?” he said, “I’m gonna get right to the point Logan. I’m locked out of the house again.”

I know, otherwise, you wouldn’t be sitting outside on the cold pavement.

“Could you open it up for your dear father?”

Are you kidding me? This again? I guess there’s no reason why I couldn’t.

I approach the door and use my psychokinesis to turn the locking mechanisms inside the door. I walk inside completely ignoring my dad’s words of excitement at me doing something as unimpressive as unlocking a door. I can vaguely hear him talking about ‘all the things you could do with those sneaky powers of yours.’

I quickly shooed him inside, all the while using my telepathy to scold him. _'Keep your dark thoughts to yourself, and don’t call my powers sneaky.'_

Well, I guess that I did technically lie to you guys earlier, there is one part of my life that is decidedly not normal.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU CHANGED THE LOCKS ON ME AGAIN!”

That would be my parents’ current relationship.

“Goodevening Lolo, I’m making breaded pork chops for dinner tonight”

That’s nice mom, I’ll go wash up.

“AND NOW YOU’RE IGNORING ME! BESIDES I TOLD YOU THAT I WANTED STEAK FOR DINNER!”

Why would she make you steak when you ask her like that?

“I’m sorry I forgot, but I can make you up a leather shoe if you’d like?”

Somehow I doubt that you forgot.

“I DON’T WANT A SHOE! LEATHER OR NOT!”

I wonder what happened, they used to be so loving. Honestly, at times it could be downright sickening how passionate they were. Well, I guess they’re still passionate now, but it’s kinda different.

“Oh Lolo, dinner’s ready! Come downstairs and gorge yourself, I made a ton!”

The three of us sat down together at the table, with each of the plates full of food. Well, most of the plates, my dad’s, predictably, had a boiled shoe on it.

“HEY! HEY!”

My dad was yelling again. Great.

“Oh, honey, would you like something different?”

and mom is just edging him on. Even better.

“NO, BECAUSE I BET IT’S JUST THE OTHER SHOE!”

“Bon Appetit”

My mom placed another plate in front of my yelling father and it was, of course, another shoe. However, this one was completely different than the other, it definitely wasn’t from the same pair.

“THAT’S NOT EVEN FROM THE SAME PAIR!”

Well he caught onto that fast, he may be dumb, but at least he can do a simple spot the difference puzzle.

I sat and ate my dinner, ignoring the ruckus that was being stirred up around me. They’ve been going at each other like this for a year, I’ve learned to block it out.

“Oh Logan” great, my dad wants me, what does he need now, “what about turning this old shoe into a steak for your dad huh?”

My dad is lazy and irresponsible and asks for help with every little thing in his life. However, I’ve realized that the more I help the manchild the more he depends on me, so lately I’ve cut him off and decided not to help him using my powers at all.

“WHAT! HOW DARE YOU TAKE YOUR MOTHER’S SIDE IN THIS!”

Yelling like that won’t make me want to help you any more than I already do.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SHOES I HAVE TO LICK TO PAY FOR THE FOOD YOU’RE EATING RIGHT NOW? HUH?”

So you do like eating shoes. Then you should have no problem with dinner tonight, sit down.

Good grief, I guess it won’t hurt to help him out this one time. I put up my hand only for my mom to lay her’s onto my own, effectively stopping me from changing the shoe.

“Lolo, remember what I’ve always said, you must only use your powers to help those in need or those who you are sure are genuinely good .”

Thanks mom, but I don’t see why this is relevant at the present moment. However, I do appreciate the advice, I’d caution to say that she is one of the biggest reasons that I haven’t let my powers turn me to the dark side. She’s a caring soul.

“But feel free to use them to hurt your dad”

She kind of has a dark side as well.

A clink of silverware comes from behind us. My mother turns only to finds that my dad had been eating off of my plate. Oh well, I was pretty much done anyway.

“STOP EATING LOGAN’S DINNER YOU THIEVING SON OF A BITCH!”

And demon mode is back in full force

“THAT’S IT WE’RE TAKING THIS OUTSIDE!”

Honestly, I could easily end this fight whenever I wanted, but I’d rather not interfere.

“HOW DARE YOU TAKE THAT FROM YOUR SON, HE’S A GROWING BOY HE NEEDS NOURISHMENT!”

Huh? I look down at the table to see a jar sitting right in front of me. Crofter’s Brand Jam? Interesting.

“I’M A PACIFIST PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!”

Hmm, doesn’t taste bad. Sweet, but not saccharine enough to induce a headache. Don’t let the name fool you this jam is a truly dignified treat.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING! NO! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”

This flavor should honestly be illegal, not that I’m complaining, I’d rather not have to become a criminal.

“OOF”

Something hit my back, knocking my jam off of the spoon that I was about to put into my mouth. Quick as a flash, I moved to catch that bit of perfection in my mouth before it hit the floor. Sure, it may have taken superhuman levels of speed, but I’m a psychic, and who was I to hesitate using my powers in order to save a perfectly good spoonful of jam? I sat on the ground enjoying my treat, only to find my dad in my face.

“YOU WANTED TO EAT JELLY THAT BAD!”

So this was the heavy object that hit me. Mom should be more careful where she throws him, she could have wasted some perfectly good jam.

“FORGET THE JAM WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS! YOUR MOTHER HAS BECOME A MONSTER!”

Not my problem

“YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! SHE’S NO LONGER THE MOTHER THAT YOU ONCE KNEW!”

Wow, I didn’t know that mom could lift a whole table that easily. I guess she’s been working on her core while I was at school. Welp, that's unfortunate for dad isn't it, he's going to be flattened under a dinner table.

“I’LL CRUSH YOU LIKE AN ANT!”

And dad’s screaming like a baby again. If this idiot would open his eyes he would realize that I stopped the table before it fell on him. This man is so stupid sometimes I swear. These two are such a handful sometimes, I guess I'll have to step in.

“So now you’re on your dad’s side? But I even made you pork chops!”

Honestly, this whole thing is so pointless. Why do I say it’s pointless you ask? Just give it a moment, you’ll see.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! I HATE BOTH OF YOU!”

_'That’s a lie, the truth is I love you both so much’_

No matter how hard they try to deny it, the truth is always able to be uncovered, especially by someone with the ability to read minds. So, in short, these fights are all a sham.

“FINE! I HATE YOU BOTH TOO!”

_‘Just kidding! I love you both to death!’_

Like I said, another pointless fight. But there is someone here with a real reason to be upset. ME. They interrupted my dessert with their idiotic disagreement, and that is a sin that will not be easily forgiven. I guess I have to sort this out myself.

_‘Love you’_

“Wait did you just say you love me?”

_‘Is it really possible that she loves me back?’_

Congratulations dad, you can add ‘basic listening skills’ right under ‘can do basic spot-the-difference puzzles’ onto your ever-growing list of abilities.

“What no, it’s you who said it!”

_‘Did I say that aloud? And what does ‘she loves me back’ mean?’_

Astute observational skills as always mom.

“You just admitted to saying it!”

_‘Is it possible that I love her so much that I’ve started hearing things?’_

I don’t think that’s how it works

_‘Loves me so much?’_

Good grief

_‘She can hear me?’_

Good Grief

“Yeah, you can hear me?”

GOOD GRIEF

“What...”

“What...”

“LOGAN!”

Forced shared telepathy. I used my powers to link their minds, which means that because of me they can hear each other’s thoughts. You’re welcome.

“Turn it off right now! I don’t want your dad to know I still love him!”

“Yeah, her finding out I love her is my worst nightmare!”

…

“I love you, dear!”

“I love you too!”

And there it is, in one quick jump they’re back to the saccharine shit from before. But at least now I can eat my dessert in peace. I swear normal people are such a pain.

“Let’s set things right! Here! Take this jam as a sign of our renewed love!”

Did she really just take that from me? I was clearly eating it so what gave her the right to take it? And now that monster gave it to the other one! He’s eating it! THE BASTARD! I’VE NEVER BEEN SO DISRESPECTED IN MY LIFE! HOW DARE THEY!

And just like that, all the windows in the house shattered.

* * *

I’m currently sitting in the auditorium listening to the principal give his beginning of the year speech to all the miserable kids forced to come here every day to earn an education. 542 children walk these hallowed halls, and despite the school’s relatively small size, no one here knows of my powers. If they were to find out all hell would break loose.

Back when I was in kindergarten, I was undefeated in rock paper scissors, I could read everyone’s thoughts after all. Some of them would try and cheat, but I just tied them so they would never win. Honestly, who adds a gun to rock paper scissors anyway? In lawless kindergarten, rock paper scissors is the end all be all of games, there was no room for arguing when we had already battled it out. I never showed mercy, even to the teachers. I became a certified kindergarten badass. I followed up my great winning streak with even more success, and it took a while for the media to settle down. So I decided to never use my powers in public ever again. Now I only use them when absolutely necessary and even then, only when no one is around.

And how do I make sure that no one is around?

By using telepathy.

Within 200 meters I can sense anyone. I don’t miss a soul. I’ve neve-

“Guess who?”

That used to be the case at least. There’s one guy in particular that I can’t detect.

“Hey there buddy!”

Remus. Prince.

The guy that no one likes, but for some reason has taken a liking to me. That’s not too much of a bother, what does bother me though is that I can’t read this guy’s thoughts at all. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t read this guy’s mind.

And believe me. Everyone has thoughts that I can read. I can even read thoughts of animals for christ’s sake, but not Remus. I think I finally found out why.

“What do you think that dog sausage would taste like? You know, like, sausage, but made of dog? Basically, what do you think a dog would taste like?”

He’s a moron, a completely braindead idiot. You can’t read a mind if there’s nothing on it. In that sense, Remus is pretty frightening.

From the back of the auditorium came a thud. A student must have passed out from the looks of it. However, Remus immediately rushed over to try and resuscitate the guy. Remus may be a braindead idiot, but at least he's not that bad of a guy.

_‘Is Remus doing mouth to mouth on the guy who passed out? I feel bad for that him, Remus is so gross.’_

I take that back he’s definitely evil. Luckily one of the teachers stepped in to help get Remus off his most recent victim. Unluckily, the teacher had me tag along with the two buffoons as they walked to the nurse’s office.

I bet you’re wondering why I lumped the kid who just collapsed into the category of ‘buffoon’ with Remus, but the answer is simple. The idiot was faking his sickness to get out of the presentation. Now I’m stuck watching over an idiot with only enough brain cells to allow me to hear his thoughts **AND** a brainless ogre with a shitty mustache. Lucky me.

But the buffoon in question is currently having a mental breakdown over kissing with Remus so I guess he got what was coming to him.

“Why did you have to kiss me? I’m never gonna come back from this!”

I don’t doubt it. Oh god. Remus is opening his mouth. How is the dumbass going to try and console the buffoon?

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m sad too. That was my first kiss.”

I don’t doubt that either. The hair cut alone will drive any girl with common sense away.

'Now everyone’s gonna think that me and Remus...are in love'

I guarantee that no one’s going to think that.

“Hey glasses! You better not tell anyone that I was faking it.”

The door slammed open.

It might be a bit too late for that buddy.

“I HEARD IT ALL”

The gym teacher was right outside the door while you were having your little pity party, but at least he doesn’t know that you shared your first kiss with Remus.

“Uhhhhh”

And look at that, the buffoon is looking for a way out, I want to see where this goes.

“It was all his fault. He forced me to collapse so that he could get out of the principal’s speech! This whole sickness is actually a ruse!”

So the buffoon is going to place all the blame on Remus, not a bad tactic.

“REMUS IS THIS TRUE!”

The idiot will be too stupid to realize that he’s being framed, and you’ll get off scot-free.

“Logan, what are you doing here? Was he part of the plot too?”

What?

“Him? Oh yeah sure.”

WHAT?

“THAT’S IT, I WANT YOU BOTH IN MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW!”

Dragging me into this was a very bad idea. I can make your life a living hell at every turn you buffoon. Just wait. You’ll see how awful of an enemy I can-

“Hold on!”

Remus?

“He really is sick. Didn’t you hear what he said? He’s got root sickness.”

Holy crap this man is dumb. How do you mistake ruse for roots?

“HOLY HECK, YOU’RE RIGHT!”

Wow. How can a teacher be this dumb? He has to have a degree to be able to teach right? Right?

“Let’s take your temperature to see if you have a fever, that’s what my mom always does for me when I’m sick.”

Dumb and dumber have passed the buffoon a thermometer, but how does he plan on making it look like he has a fever? Wait. Is he putting it in his armpit? That won’t work you moron. Looks like I have to do everything myself.

“199℉”

“CALL THE AMBULANCE!”

Pyrokinesis, the ability to manipulate heat. Though it does look like I melted the thermometer tip. I better burn the evidence just in case.

“Huh?”

**REMUS SAW**

“You...You...”

Just spit it out-

“You, have a fever too!”

Oh right. He’s an idiot.

* * *

_‘My name is Roman Prince, an 11th grader at SS academy. At least, that’s my cover story, in reality, a dark force called black beat dwells in my right arm, and they are trying to steal it from me and forge a new world order. And by they, I am obviously referring to the secret society called Dark Reunion! But I shall protect the world from anything that they throw at me. From dragons to witches to dragonwitches, I have conquered all the challenges that they set forth to stop me. I, the Jet Black Wings, will save the world!’_

What is that idiot blabbering about? His body may be grade eleven, but his brain is stuck in grade eight. But no time to dwell on him now, I have to get to school.

* * *

“Did you guys hear the news? A poison snake escaped from the zoo!”

“Oh no, that’s got to be dangerous!”

Is this what normal people talk about. Wierd.

“Are you sure it escaped? Sounds just like the kind of lie that Dark Reunion would tell.”

Oh look, the delusional one from earlier

“But you cannot fool the Jet Black Wings! Someone had to have released that snake on purpose!”

“You know who did this? Was it this wannabe supervillain, the Jet Black Wings?”

“No! I’m the Jet Black Wings! The hero! The villains of this story are the secret society called Dark Reunion! And this escaped snake is the first step in their humanity sorting plan!”

“Dark Reunion! Wow! That’s-”

_‘Amazing, Spectacular, Heroic’_

“Stupid”

And look at that, he’s gonna cry. Why did he stop suddenly? Wait, no, stop. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not your ally in any way.

“I guess that the fate of the world is once again put into our superpowered laps. Right, Logan?”

Oh great. Roman doesn’t realize that I actually do have psychic abilities. This is just a fantasy for him.

“Logan, what’s your read? I don’t like this at all.”

I don’t care

“This snake which I have named Murder Dragoram Snake is most likely no ordinary snake.”

That’s quite a dramatic name.

“It’s also likely that they created Murder Dragoram Snake in a lab for the express purpose of killing people”

I don’t think he realizes that I don’t care

“It’s up to us Logan, we must save humanity from-”

“Hey! They caught the snake!”

_‘What?’_

“Well that’s a relief, where did they find it?”

“At the front gates, apparently it was nearly dead.”

“What happened to it?”

_‘Is it possible that Logan and I aren’t the only ones with powers?’_

“some first graders got to it, whipped it around a few times.”

That’s one weak ass murder snake.

“Looks like we beat Dark Reunion this time.”

“Careful, they’re an all-powerful secret society!”

“Who knows what will happen when they sort mankind.”

“Go ahead, laugh while you can, this is the calm before the storm.”

He’s close to crying again, barely holding it together honestly. He’s holding up better than I thought though, I was sure that the waterworks would have started by now.

“Dark Reunion is coming, I tried to warn you...”

Would you look at that, he’s going to the bathroom to cry. I guess I’ll go join him. Not to cry, but to get away from the classroom full of idiots.

“It’s like he’s in elementary school!”

“One time he said there was a monster in his arm!”

So this is what normal people find funny huh? I don’t see why.

“Guys, it’s starting to take over my whole body!”

Everyone’s focus shifted to the guy making fun of Roman. Though, that probably had more to do with this so-called ‘Murder Dragoram Snake’ reappearing in his sleeve than anything he was saying . Seriously, that guy’s humor was really bad. Everyone paled as the snake fell.

“Holy crap, it’s the snake run!”

“It’s blocking the door!”

I knew that the snake was coming ahead of time, you know because I’m psychic. That’s why I left so suddenly. I guess I could help them, but I don’t want to use my powers in front of all those people, so I’ll just stay here until everything calms down. Speaking of calming down, Roman is in the stall next to mine, and it looks like he's bawling his eyes out. He should probably stay here a while too.

But back to the snake attack.

“Did someone see where it went?”

“Someone call a teacher!”

“No way! It’ll bite us!”

“You little wimps.”

Oh great. The moron has arrived.

“Remus! Where did you come from?”

“Are your guys' balls still attached”

As classy as always Remus

“I would worry about your own!”

“Why?”

“Because the snake is on your crotch”

And sure enough, the snake had attached itself to Remus’ crotch. The moron probably likes it too. Or maybe he likes attention because he just dramatically fell over pretending to be dead. That right there folks is what we call a dumbass. However, the class went nuts. I don’t see why. The snake didn’t even bite through the fabric.

I’ve been using my clairvoyance to see into the hectic classroom from down the hall in the bathroom. By crossing my eyes, I am able to remotely view distant locations.

“Everybody get down! I’ll handle this!”

When did the delusional one get back?

“Roman? What the heck are you doing?”

“Alright Murder Dragoram Snake, the Jet Black Wings stands before you now! Prepare yourself for defeat! Let’s go.”

Roman may seem like he’s confident, but he has no idea what to do.

_‘What made me think that I could fight a snake? What’s wrong with me? I’m so stupid.’_

The snake lunged at some unnamed girl in the background. I guess I’ll just have one less inner monologue to listen to tomorrow. Oh well. Wait. Did Roman just? Did that idiot just jump in front of a poisonous snake on the attack? I think that he realizes that he’s dumb too, he’s apologizing to his mom, which is dumb, she’s not a psychic, she’ll never hear it. However, on the outside, he’s just as unwaveringly confident as he usually is.

“Take this! Judgment Knights of-”

Sorry Roman, I think I’ll handle this one.

“THUNDER!”

The snake twitched a bit before eventually succumbing to the electricity running through its body, sending lightning bolts everywhere and turning the snake into a dried crisp of its former self. I guess I’m sorry that I said you have the mind of an eighth-grader. You don’t have powers, but you’re courageous, and I guess that means something.

_‘I really do have superpowers!’_

Don’t get ahead of yourself there buddy. And thus, the crisis as averted.

* * *

“I don’t like this new attitude of yours Roman.”

What’s the delusional fuck going to say to the teacher, he’s been acting like an ass all day, there’s no way that he’s getting out of this with anything less than detention.

“You better watch your mouth teach, you don’t want to be hit with the Judgment Knights of Thunder now do you?”

Oh, I see, he’s gotten even more immature. I take back what I said, that kid is hopeless.

* * *

Beautiful people, there’s no one better at getting people’s attention.

_‘My name is Patton Meadows, and not to brag or anything, but I’m the perfect example of a beautiful boy. Again, I’m not trying to be arrogant, I’m just stating a fact. For the most part, I don’t go around boasting about how perfect I am.’_

“Hey! Want to go out with me sometime?”

_‘Now if I were just an average pretty person, I would say something along the lines of...’_

“How about you go to a pig farm and kiss one of them!”

_‘But I’m not just pretty, I’m also perfect! So instead, I say…’_

“I’m so sorry, but I have to study for a test tonight.”

_‘See? Not only am I beautiful on the outside, I’m also beautiful on the inside! And you know what that means right? It means that I’m invincible! Oh, that guy over there is in my class! What’s his name? Lucas? Liam? Logan? Logan. Logan Sanderson. He looks so lonely walking like that, I might as well cheer him up with my mere presence. After all, I’m not just pretty on the outside, I’m also pretty on the inside!’_

“Hi Logan! I couldn’t help but notice you look sad!”

_‘Perfect! Now you have a memory of me to cherish for the rest of his life! Not only did you run into the prettiest person in our class out in public, but he initiated the conversation! I bet you’ve fallen in love, I can’t blame you! I am perfect after all! Even though we are on different social levels it’s the natural response to someone as beautiful as I. Oh look at that. He gave a little head nod, I bet he’s blushing so hard right now! It’s okay! I won’t judge! I’ll even stand here a few extra seconds so that you can take all of my beauty in, it’s the nice thing to do after all.’_

_‘Wait...where did he go? That’s his only reaction! A little nod of acknowledgment! Nothing else! You’re supposed to panic! Say things like ‘oh Patton, you’re so pretty!’ I get it! He was probably so surprised that he was at a loss for words! That’s the only logical explanation for his lack of reaction. I bet he’s beating himself up over the missed opportunity! It’s okay shy guy! I’ll give you another chance! Because as you know, I’m not just beautiful, I’m also nice too!’_

“Logan! Hey! you shouldn’t ignore people you know! It’s not polite!”

_‘What! He didn’t even stop that time! Let alone nod! Am I invisible? Am I dead? What is happening? Oh! I know! He must be so used to being alone that he’s convinced himself that I’m an illusion! You’re so in love with me that you see me everywhere you go right? I bet he can’t convince himself that I’m real! I guess I’ve just got to touch him to prove I’m not a figment of his imagination so that I can give him the happiest day of his life!’_

“Logan! Where are you going!”

_‘I’m jumping at him, then there’s no way for him to avoid me! Once I make contact he’ll be forced to-HE DOGED! But if he thinks that I’m an illusion then why would he have to step around me! Is it possible that he’s so in love with me that even touching my illusion would be too much! It’s very flattering to know that I mean so much to you Logan.’_

Oh good grief. Another annoying person to deal with. Why does he keep following me?

“Logan! Hi!”

There he goes again. I guess that the one thing that this boy isn’t considering is that I’m ignoring him. Though to be fair, if I were the type of person that he thought I was I would probably be just like that. Even Remus isn’t as bad as he usually is around Patton. He is very pretty, in fact everything that he’s been saying about himself is true. That’s what makes him so dangerous, he’s an attention magnet, and because I don’t want attention I don’t want him around.

“Do you mind if I tag along with you? I promise it’ll be fun!”

And now he’s grabbing for me. Won’t this boy ever let up? I guess I’ll just have to dodge again. What? Remus? What is that moron doing here? This is bad, Patton thinks that I think he’s fake, but if Remus acknowledges him, I’ll have no choice but to acknowledge him as well. I’ll be trapped by social convention. That’s simply not an option. I’ll lose them both in this crowd. It doesn’t look like Remus saw me. That’s a relief.

“Huh? I thought I saw my best friend.”

Did his head just turn a complete 180? There’s no way. Remus may be a freak, but he’s not quite a freak of nature quite yet. Even with that mustache.

_‘What? Where did Logan go?’_

Great, I lost Patton too. Though I did accidentally teleport on top of a nearby building when Remus turned around. That may be why he can’t find me. It doesn’t look like anybody around me noticed, but Patton seems to realize that something isn’t quite right. I guess it might be better for both of us if you think that I was the illusion and forget about the whole thing.

“Remus?”

“Oh hey Patton!”

Oh, so nuisance two found nuisance one, I guess I’ll just leave them be for now.

“Have you seen a boy anywhere around here? He has blue hair and strange hairpins, he shouldn’t be hard to spot.”

Please don’t go looking for me.

“Oh, you mean buddy! Nope haven’t seen him!”

_‘Wait, so he disappeared?’_

Yes, now leave it at that.

_‘Is it possible that he was a figment of MY imagination? Was he the illusion all along? What was it that I said before ‘You’re so in love with me that you see me everywhere you go right?’ No, it can’t be!’_

Stop, whatever you are thinking right now just stop.

_‘Don’t tell me that I’m...what are these feelings-’_

No no no, stop

_‘I think I’m actually in love with Logan’_

Dammit.

**Author's Note:**

> I think that I might continue this depending on if people like it or not, but for now, it's just the first episode of the anime superimposed onto the sides. As I said at the beginning this is based on an anime called the disastrous life of Saiki K, and if you're interested in watching it the first three seasons are on Netflix and the fourth season comes out tomorrow (December 30th). I seriously recommend.


End file.
